Disclaimer: To insure that this column remains balanced, Austin Green, my boyfriend, will contribute.
Relationships are all about commitment, and with commitment, comes trust. Austin and I know this firsthand. Without trust, a relationship cannot work. So why is cheating still a hot topic? Earlier this week Austin and I sat down with a group of friends and threw out ideas and different thoughts about cheating. Obviously cheating is wrong and it shouldn’t happen, but what else? Is there another side to cheating? Is it ever ok? Do guys view it differently than girls? How would we define cheating as a new generation?
For the sake of this conversation, let’s have a common understanding of what cheating is. Cheating is acting on physical or emotional feelings for anyone who is not your significant other. Also cheating can vary into different categories, three different categories to be exact.
The first level of cheating is flirting. Now let’s be real, flirting happens all the time but that doesn’t mean it’s always OK. Really, it depends on who you are flirting with and how you are doing it. Let’s just say you see an ex in the learning commons, you two stop and have an innocent conversation about life, simply catching up on how one another is doing—so far so good, right? Well, it would be if that case was 100 percent accurate, but how many times does the situation that we just explained go exactly as described?
If there was any forced laughter to try and look cute, or asking pointless questions simply for the purpose of spending more time together, both parties were in violation of the cheating commandments.
Now while the seriousness of “flirting cheating” varies from couple to couple, overall we feel that flirting cheating is doing anything extra in a conversation that a person wouldn’t normally do to get attention, also known as, “doing the most.” It should not be tolerated.
The second level of cheating is intimate touching or hugging. We have all been in this situation before, and we all know the difference, between the “friend hug” and the “I want you” hug. The friend hug usually last for about a second and is over and done with before you know it. It can also be a side hug. Whether from the side or the front, there is a noticeable distance between the two people during the hug.
The “I want you” hug is a mini-caressing of the body, and don’t act like you don’t know what it is. The girl generally has her arms around the guy’s neck, while the guy has his arms around the girl’s waist. Not only is this hug a lot longer, but the departure is very different than the “friend hug.” Guys slowly graze their hands around a girl’s waist until their hands come around to the front of her stomach at her belly button, where he has to let go. Girls take their time, sliding their hands around boys’ neck, then down the top of his chest to let go. Other intimate touching can be flirtatious slaps on the opposite person, a hand on a knee, things like that. But just like flirting, intimate touching has to be determined between the two people in the relationship.
The last level of cheating and the worst offense is sex. No detailed description is needed, yet boys and girls still seem to have varying outlooks on this offense. To get a better idea of these varying views, Austin and I decided to do a little investigative reporting. Austin went looking for the male perspective, while I got the female point of view.
Surprisingly, girls didn’t have that much to say about cheating but it seems as though it’s because they believe there are no if ands or buts about the topic, in their eyes: cheating is wrong. When asked about physical versus emotional cheating, Selena Amatya, a sophomore majoring in international studies said “Physical cheating can be forgiven, but emotional cheating cannot.” Janell Miller, a senior majoring in English, said “Cheating is never acceptable, emotional cheating is the worst and the hardest to recover from. Flirting isn’t cheating if it is natural, because there is a difference between natural cheating and intentional cheating.”
Guys had a different take on the matter. Marcus Zeigler, a sophomore majoring in Textile Engineering, was asked to give his thoughts on whether or not he thought provocative dancing or “twerking” is considered cheating. “Twerking doesn’t matter and isn’t considerd cheating. If I came into the relationship knowing she was a twerker, I [would also] know at the end of the night, she’s coming home to me.” When asked about his girlfriend going to see an ex, Alfred Anderson, a sophomore majoring in Communication, said, “My girlfriend wouldn’t be able to go see an ex, but really it depends on the dude. If he is my one of my boys, I wouldn’t care. I feel like my game is tight, so there is no need to worry.”
As you can see, cheating is a touchy subject. Males and females have different views on the subject but at the end of the day, everyone agreed that cheating is unacceptable. If you have to cheat, then you shouldn’t be with that person.
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