Christopher Lynn | Staff Writer

In the age where everyone seems to be a sneaker-head, a problem arises. There are roughly 311 million people in the United States. In a general release of a sneaker, Nike produces about 300,000 pairs of shoes. Doing the math, there is about a 1 and 1,000 chance of a person getting the sneaker he or she wants. This doesn’t take into account the availability of the shoe in local stores, or the availability of funds (or lack thereof) in one’s bank account. If these two things are depleted, there is almost no chance of a person getting the sneakers he or she wants…well at least for the conventional thinker.

In a perfect world, sneakers are only available in retail stores but that is not the world we live in. Every day, someone, somewhere in the world buys a variant sneaker. Sadly, people think this kind of behavior is acceptable. What’s even sadder is that the money spent on fake Nikes, could easily be used to purchase an acceptable and more affordable pair of authentic Converse, Vans or Toms. Or, if you were willing to wait a while, you could go to the outlets and purchase the same shoe you originally wanted. For some people, logic like this just doesn’t reside within them.

When I see a variant shoe, I think, “Where did he get those?” Maybe he was on vacation in New York and went to Chinatown and while his mom shopped for knock-off Louis Vuitton he purchased fake J’s.  I know that real Jordan brand shoes sport a tag that says “Made in China,” but if you purchase them from Chinatown, you’re only buying them from a place named after China. So, you’re actually buying fake Jordan’s from a fake China two negatives don’t make a positive in this situation.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t just stop at Jordan’s. I can see if these people bought variants that look just like the shoe, but they don’t. These people have the audacity to wear Jordan’s, and now Foams, with a 360 Air Max sole. Again I ask the question, “Where do these come from?” Have you seen those Facebook sneaker ads? Have you clicked on one? Of course you haven’t, because you’re not stupid!

I’m sure nothing good can come from one of those links, and it’s pretty hard to believe that a company selling legitimate merchandise would need to hack your aunt’s Facebook page to tell you about their services.

So, to the guy in Clark Dining Hall wearing Jordan Fauxs (not IVs), the young fellow at the pep-rally wearing Fauxmposites and everyone else wearing flea market exclusives, I welcome you to the Haute Seat.

Maybe I’m being too harsh; maybe they don’t know that their shoes are fake. Well, I guess it’s true when people say “Ignorance is bliss,”  because I sure do have a blissful, hearty laugh every time I see someone wearing fake shoes.